For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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