Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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