I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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