We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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