If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
