Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
