also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
