when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
