I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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