Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
