he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
