Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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