Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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