I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
