I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
a search helicopter?!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
