i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need moral support for this bender
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
