between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
