I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
