I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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