Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
