and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
