I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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