I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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