The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
