Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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