We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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