How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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