At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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