remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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