drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
