I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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