I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
