Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he's gonorrhea incarnate
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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