Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had sex on a roof
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
