I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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