Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
