Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
