You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
