theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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