Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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