U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
