Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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