1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
