it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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