my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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