The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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