I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
