franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
