Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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