im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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