tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
