Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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