I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
