We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
