So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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