What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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