Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
