i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
