you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
