the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize