and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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