I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
