May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
