Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
