wat bout pragnant strippers??
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
And then he peed in my hair
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