FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
