if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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