her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
