if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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