It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize