If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize