why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize