yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
