PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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