my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
