im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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