none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
