you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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