Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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