will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
