I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
