butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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