shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
