1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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