Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
