so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
