Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I am mentally ready for anal.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
