Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Randomize
