Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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