last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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