My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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