I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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