is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
now i know why i became what i already was.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
