Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
