I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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