My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
