Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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