I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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