the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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