Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You made out with two different species that night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize