He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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