Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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