Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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