I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
