Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize