How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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