come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
