He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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