Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Fuck appropriateness.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
