Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
