My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
