I'm so fucking centered right now
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
