how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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